By Kyla King, B.A.
Graduate Study Intern
February is International Boost Self-Esteem month, and it cannot be denied that there are multitudes of ways in which positive self-esteem can improve your overall mental health. It can decrease symptoms of depression, help navigate anxiety with a clearer perspective, and reduce the impact of many other symptoms. In fact, I would wager that most people, if asked “would you like to have better self- esteem?” would say “Yes!”. However, it can be a challenge to figure out how to improve something as nebulous as self-esteem. I believe that self- esteem is best addressed at a micro level first, with small daily adjustments, rather than a big overhaul that may be hard to maintain in the long run. In an effort to envision how this might be done I would like to take look at an average day with Yu R. Worthit.
Yu starts her day at 6am, she wakes up and gets ready to take a shower. Before hopping in the shower she takes 2 minutes to look at herself in the mirror. Without judgement she is able to see the wrinkles that she has earned over the years, by caring for herself and family, learning the stressful and rewarding aspects of her job, and caring deeply about her friends.
By 7am Yu has woken up her young children and started getting them ready for school. While they get dressed and pack their bags for a busy day of learning Yu looks at the breakfast options. She could make them eggs with veggies (her kids’ favorite), but she is not sure she will have time to do that and get her hair done, so she pours some cereal for them and lets them know that breakfast is ready. While drying her hair she remembers how happy they were the last time she made eggs and thought that would be a nice way to start the day tomorrow. She finishes up with her hair and smiles at herself in the mirror, thinking about all of the times she will appreciate having done her hair throughout the day.
When Yu checks on her children, one is ready by the door; the other has one shoe on, no pants, and a frantic look on their face. Yu rallies her other child and all three are able to help get her fretful child put together for school as a team. In the ride to school Yu tells both of her children how proud she is that they were able to get ready and how grateful she is that they can help each other through rough mornings. It is 8am when Yu drops her kids off; she knows that she had to be there 20 minutes ago to make it to work on time.
At 9:10am Yu arrives at work 10 minutes late. She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that she is healthy enough to go to work, and that her kids made it to school on time today, which isn’t always the case. When she walks in to the office she gets a few looks from her coworkers that initially make her feel guilty for being late. Then Yu reminds herself that she would have been on time, if she had been able, and instead she chose to be present for her child when they were struggling. Some of her feelings of guilt are replaced by feelings of pride in her ability to be a present parent.
At noon Yu’s boss comes by and tells her that there is an assignment that needed to be done last week that is now due before the end of the day. Yu tells her boss that she will do what she can, but that the short notice means that there will likely be a lower quality, or it just won’t be done by 5pm.
At 5pm Yu goes home and spends some time walking her dog before her kids get home. Before she started thinking about how to boost self-esteem she would have spent this time on her phone bursting bubbles, feeling angry about unrealistic expectations at work, and trying to forget her day. But since she has been working on self-esteem she is able to use this time differently and when her kids arrive hungry and overflowing with stories from their day, she has spent time with the pup processing hers so she is able to be present and laugh along with the tales of their school day.
There were a few things that Yu was able to do that did not take a large amount of time, but greatly changed the end of her day. She woke up with enough time to take a moment to value herself and greet herself with non-judgment, she avoided negative self-talk around choosing the “right” breakfast for her kids, she took time on small things (like personal grooming) that made her feel good about her physical appearance, she made a plan for positive interactions the next day (eggs for her kids), she accessed her resources (her other child) to help and expressed gratitude for this support, she took a deep breath to ground herself, she took a minute to inventory some of her good fortune before entering work, she evaluated the external factors impacting her self-esteem (coworkers looks), and reframed the events from her own perspective, she gave herself the benefit of the doubt that she made the best choice for her, she set boundaries and explained her perspective to other’s asking her to meet unrealistic goals, she again took time to ground herself (by walking the dog), and was able to extend that grounded sense to her children, and finally she laughed.
Whether you choose to add some grounding to your daily routine with deep breathing, replacing negative self-talk with non- judgmental observation, or take a moment to inventory the good in your life, please at least take a instant to remember: YOU ARE WORTH IT!
